Laurie Kadrich Gets New Employment Contract
The city council announced it has reached a contract agreement with city administrator,
Laurie Kadrich. Her new rate of pay will be $6.50 per hour plus ten cents per
minute for each minute she's forced to listen to Steve Miller complain about her performance.
The city attorney estimates that this new contract will be the same as giving Kadrich a 25% raise.
Hells Angels Invited Back to Cody
After more than $500,000 in increased police spending was tabulated, the Cody Chamber
of Commerce has decided to invite the Hells Angels to return to Cody next summer. The Hells
Angels will be invited to stay in Cody during the third week of September during the annual
Rendezvous Royale. The Hells Angels convention will be wrapped into the week's other
art-related events. The larger event will be renamed: "A Royale Disaster."
Cody Gas Prices Highest in Nation
The average gas price in America has dropped to 17 cents per gallon. The
average price in Cody is $2.53 per gallon. Hinze Oil executives blamed Cody's higher
prices on the high cost of delivering the fuel in Cody. A Hinze spokesman
explained that the company purchases gas from itself at its own high prices for its local delivery trucks. Said the
spokesman, "Hey, those high prices are killing us too. We have to pass them on."
Copperleaf Gains New Concessions
County commissioners approved several additional developer requests concerning the Copperleaf
sub-division today. Effective immediately, developers can install a helipad, a shooting range,
and a 24-hour go-cart track. In order to more easily purchase the materials for constructing
the development housing, commissioners issued a permit to build a Home Depot Super Center
west of the reservoir.
Police Study Reveals Groundbreaking Results
The results of a $25,000 outside consultant's study of the Cody Police Department revealed
the following fascinating facts:
Speeders do not like to receive traffic tickets,
Drunk people do not like to be harassed by police while driving,
And Meth dealers think the police chief is a jerk.
City Signs Agreement With Humane Society
The city and Humane Society agreed on the terms for a new contract. The city will pay
the Humane Society $50,000 per year for operations and the Humane Society will
pay West Park Hospital for the operations required to neuter the city council.
After the operations, any city council member who strays will be held for 21 days
in the facility's cat house. If no one claims the council member within that time
period, he will be put up for adoption. Unless the council member is deemed to have
personality traits that render him unadoptable, in which case he will be euthanized.
Freudenthal, Hunkins Debate Transcript
Freudenthal: "I'm more Republican than you are."
Hunkins: "Are not."
Freudenthal: "Are too."
Hunkins: "Ok, you are. But I'm more Democrat than you."
Freudenthal: "Are not."
Hunkins: "Are too."
Freudenthal: "Ok, you are. But I'm the governor and you're not. Neener, neener."
CAP Tax Ballot Issue Amended
Instead of spending $6 million for a new library, county commissioners amended the CAP tax ballot
issue to buy every county resident a free laptop computer and one year of free Internet
access on a county-owned network. Once the year is up, all residents will be hopelessly
addicted to the Internet and will be forced to purchase their Internet connection from
the county. This revenue will then easily fund the building of a brand new library
facility every two years.
Hathaway Scholarships Too Successful, Incentives Offered To Those Who Stay Home
Enrollment at Northwest College is so high due to the Hathaway Scholarships that the Simpson Hall
Dormitory is so over-capacity that 17 students are now staying at the Simpson home.
Tired of the little Cretans leaving pizza boxes in his living room, Al Simpson has made a
$1 million donation to start Waste-a-Way Scholarships that pay overachievers for skipping
college altogether.
Says Al, "This is a real problem. These kids have hair, weigh 260 pounds and think beer is food!"
Rotary Club Says the Show Will Go On
After many candid (and can-it) discussions between Cody Rotary members, the club
voted to continue its annual Rotary Show. In an effort to better spread the workload
between all club members, this year's show will last no longer than 7 minutes. As an
added benefit, the shorter show will be so much more popular that ticket prices can
be doubled.
Have a Cody news story you'd like us to re-write to fit your reality? Just E-mail Mike the topic and he'll do the rest!