After much study, I’ve hatched a solution for the labor shortage. It doesn’t involve higher pay, air hockey or Hawaiian shirt day. It’s a titillating new benefit for existing employees that also benefits ownership.
The corporate breeding program.
The solution is simplicity itself. Most businesses already have the needed space, equipment & supplies.
A break room. I-Pod with speakers. Alcohol.
In just five years, you’ll harvest a large crop of ankle biters that can be used as “Gophers.”
Within 10 years, they’ll develop into specialized workers, happy to labor for Kit-Kats, Legos & Pokemon cards.
In 16 years, you’ll have to legally pay them. But by age 18, they’re ready to start procreating their replacements.
13 years of labor with just two years of salary.
No more frustrating hiring processes for your HR (Human Reproduction) Director.
No more applications or resumes. No background checks. Just one direct interview question. “Will you?”
This solution is so obvious it’s anti-climaxtic.
It’s sustainable. Holistic (wink, wink). Worker-friendly.
Productivity will skyrocket because your employees will be too sired to goof off.
It’s amazing no one else has spawned this idea. Once started, it will reproduce on its own.
Better hop on board now. Resistance is fertile.
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