Immersed up close, negates the perspective available from afar.
This is why a perceptive friend can see your new girlfriend is bad news before you do.
The excitement of new, the stimulation of feeling important, the flattery of gaining access to what’s forbidden to others, is an intoxicating elixir.
Immersed up close, you gain many more details about this woman than your perceptive friend. This makes you believe you know more than your friend. But these details blind you to the larger reality.
Yes, she’s beautiful. Yes, she strokes your ego by publicly clinging to your arm. Yes, you’ve gained admission to her intimacy. You see her at her best. You’re lost in infatuation. And you enjoy being lost.
Your perceptive friend is detached. He’s looked into her past. Her friends. Her activities.
The picture is grim. Several divorces from rich husbands. Abandoned children. Criminal associates. Drug and alcohol addictions.
Even if she’s honestly trying to evolve, it’s difficult for a diamond to shine when wrapped in an ugly setting.
Few people become better than the residue that surrounds them.
The perceptive friend discovers that his knowledge cannot warn off his buddy. Words and facts are nowhere near as powerful as infatuation.
And advice is nowhere near as powerful as experience.
The perceptive friend can only watch from afar as his buddy’s experience plays out. And be there to offer comfort when it all crashes back into reality.
Now the heartbroken and impoverished buddy has gained experience and perspective.
Both friends learned from the situation.
The perceptive friend learned he can’t save others from themselves.
The infatuated buddy learned more about his blind spots.
In a different situation, their roles might be reversed.
Personal growth is a messy, individual business.
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